Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize
