I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
