id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
