He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
