I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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