Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
