I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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