OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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