You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
