I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You're a waste of cheezeits
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
