Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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