Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
