Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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