Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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