i'm signing you up for texting rehab
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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