Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
