Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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