I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
