Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
