it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Holy sore nipples Batman
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
