dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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