There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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