Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
