im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
