Who wears a wallet chain?!
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize