I love black thongs
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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