I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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