she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
