Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
