i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
