Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
