So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
