just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
you would pick up someone in the library
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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