My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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