You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
