I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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