So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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