How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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