Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
