How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize