sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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