I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
