Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
