someone threw a dead crab at me
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
