Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
