well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize