she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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