I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize