i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
