woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
