We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
