i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
