Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
