I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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