Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize