And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
