Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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