you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
