My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
