You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
