And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
smell my finger.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
