Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
