i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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