She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
