highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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