she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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