i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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