I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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