I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize