we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
